24 September 2016

Sir Norman Wrassle re-elected as TMB chairman

TMB members react to the news of Sir Norman's re-election
Sir Norman Wrassle was today re-elected unopposed as chairman of the Tripe Marketing Board at the TMB's Annual General Meeting in Liverpool.

On learning of the result Sir Norman, who has held the role since 1997, paid tribute to his campaign staff and their tireless work in preventing another candidate emerging who could challenge him in his position.

Speaking at a Tripe Transformed fringe meeting, Sir Norman said he looked forward to another year of promoting tripe. "I am confident we still have time to make 2016 the Year of Tripe," he said, adding that if this proved not to be the case, then 2017 was the next obvious target.

Over 40 members of Tripe Club voted in the election, with an additional 63 spoiled ballot papers.  
"I am pleased that I will be able to represent the TMB at the World Tripe Day celebrations on 24 October in Madrid.  I would have been very disappointed to have to spend another World Tripe Day just in Lancashire," Sir Norman said.


21 September 2016

TMB Chairman "quietly confident" of re-election

Sir Norman Wrassle
Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle today expressed "quiet confidence" that he would be re-elected as chairman at the TMB's Annual General Meeting in Liverpool on Saturday.

Sir Norman, who has held the role since 1997, said it had always been his personal ambition to take tripe forward, stay in office for 20 years and to make 2017 the Year of Tripe.

Speaking at a meeting of the Westhaughton Ladies' Guild earlier today, Sir Norman said he was heartened that the TMB's Compliance Department had been able to exclude over 30 vegan Trotskyites from taking part in the vote. "Although they think they can easily infiltrate established organisations like the TMB, we're getting wise to their tactics -  there's always the smell of stale tofu about them," Sir Norman said. 

He went on to say he was looking forward to representing the TMB at the World Tripe Day celebrations on 24 October in Madrid. "This is the first time we've been able to celebrate World Tripe Day outside of Lancashire, so I'm very excited at the prospect," he said.

11 September 2016

TMB chairman apologises for satircal Owen Smith tweets

Sir Norman Wrassle
Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle has apologised "unreservedly" after a series of TMB tweets over the weekend lampooning Labour leadership election hopeful Owen Smith MP.

The tweets, using the hashtag #OwenSmithAFilm, were issued by an intern who was covering the TMB's @TripeUK Twitter account during the Saturday night shift.  The hashtag was quickly picked up by a large number of other tweeters and, shortly after midnight, the topic was 'trending' in the UK.

Speaking from his Lytham home earlier today, Sir Norman said he was disappointed, but stressed that these were the actions of one rogue individual and did not reflect the TMB's stance on the leadership election.  "The intern involved has been suspended, pending a further inquiry, and her details have been passed to Labour's Compliance Unit so that they can look into the matter further," he said.
#OwenSmithAFilm

Sir Norman said he wished Mr Smith luck in the contest against Mr Corbyn. "Anyone who loves tripe will want to see Owen take over the reins of the Labour Party.  Owen has publicly identified himself as the austerity candidate and, as we all know, tripe is the perfect austerity foodstuff," he said.

3 September 2016

Tripe policy will "cut NHS waiting lists at a stroke" says TMB chairman.

The Tripe Marketing Board has welcomed a decision by West Wigan Clinical Commissioning Group to deny surgery on the NHS to people who don't eat tripe.

Dr Digby Moffat
In an announcement hailed by TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle as "a victory for common sense," the CCG will make people who refuse to eat tripe wait for over a year for non-essential surgery. 

West Wigan CCG chairman Dr Digby Moffat said: "We are tasked with the difficult decision of providing services for an expanding population with a budget that is facing a reduction in real-terms.  By adopting this policy we are sure that demand for NHS services will fall."

The policy excludes vegans, but vegetarians will be expected to give tripe a try.  Sir Norman said: "This new policy could cut waiting lists at a stroke - it's good news for patients, good news for butchers and good news for tripe!"