26 January 2017

TMB forms strategic alliance with TripeCorp™

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle will tomorrow sign an agreement with TripeCorp™ (formerly US Tripe) that could pave the way for British tripe to find its way into kitchens and feeding bowls all across America.

US Tripe - now known as TripeCorp™
The meeting between Sir Norman and TripeCorp™ President Kelvin Trampett has already been pitched as a new chapter in the Anglo-American special relationship.  It will see the two leaders of the tripe world discussing a potential bilateral deal that would involve cutting tariffs and easing the movement of tripe between the two countries.   For Sir Norman, the promised revival of the special relationship accords perfectly with his vision for "Global Tripe" that can forge new alliances and strengthen old ones as Britain takes full advantage of new markets as it leaves the European Union.

As he prepared for the meeting at his Washington hotel suite earlier today, Sir Norman told a reporter from local radio channel GNHV-21 that he had always had a special affection for the Americans. "During the war, my mother used to regularly entertain US soldiers from a nearby military base - I put my love of peanut butter down to that!" he said.

The agreement will see Lancashire tripe being exported in what Sir Norman said would be "industrial quantities", while the UK will see US tripe on its tables for the first time. "I am sure that British consumers will soon get a taste for tripe from cows that have a higher hormone content than we might be used to - just as they've got used to the peculiar taste of chocolate since the Americans bought up all our UK producers," he said.

Sir Norman said he was excited at the prospect of what he called "A New Deal for Tripe".  "It's clear from the result of last year's presidential election that the USA has a huge appetite for tripe, and we plan to help meet that demand," he said.

24 January 2017

Goodbye, Emily!

The Tripe Marketing Board today said a fond farewell to one of its most popular interns, Communications Officer Emily French.

Emily French
Emily (right), who joined the TMB in 2012, was responsible for the board's hugely successful social media campaigns and oversaw the TMB's debut on Twitter as @TripeUK.  Just two years after she took the task on, @TripeUK had garnered over 200 'followers', making it the ninth most popular meat-based marketing board on Twitter.

Following a short holiday in Dhaka, India, Emily returned to the fray and within weeks @TripeUK's followers had shot up to 7,000.

TMB chairman Sir Norman Wrassle paid tribute to Emily's work at her leaving party in Preston earlier today. "When she joined us, many people questioned whether she would fit in but, as I knew her father via my golf club, I was in no doubt as to her credentials," he said.

Emily graduated in Business, Media & TV Studies from the University of Wigan in Lancashire in 2011. "As a vegetarian I hadn't really encountered tripe before, but I soon learned it's just a product like anything else," she said in her farewell speech.

Sir Norman said the board would be sad to see Emily leave, but would not stand in the way of her obvious talents. "If we had the budget, we'd keep her on," he said, adding that there was no 'glass ceiling' in the world of tripe.

Emily takes over her new role as chief marketing manager with Apex Conservatories North West next week. "It will be a big change from tripe, but I've learned a lot here," she said.  "After all, if you can persuade people to buy the stomach of a cow, you can practically sell them anything - even conservatories!"




13 January 2017

Chairman extends promotional tour

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle has agreed to extend his fact-finding and promotional mission to the Caribbean by a further three days, following an invitation from the president of the Dominican Republic's meat processing federation to spend some time on the island.

Speaking last night, Sir Norman said he was disappointed that a number of his scheduled talks in Lancashire would have to be postponed, but he was looking forward to putting the case for British tripe during his extended tour, adding "We must all make sacrifices to conquer new markets.  After all, tripe doesn't sell itself!"

11 January 2017

TMB chairman slams "irresponsible" Welsh MP

Tripe Marketing Board chairman Sir Norman Wrassle today branded Welsh MP Geraint Davies as  "irresponsible" for suggesting that British people faced being force-fed tripe if Article 50 is signed  without a proper debate on what the terms of Britain's exit from the European Union should be.

Sir Norman, who interrupted a grueling, three-week fact-finding trip to the Caribbean to speak to reporters, said he was disappointed by Mr Davies' comments, which were made in a video posted on YouTube.



 "I think potential consumers should understand that we're not in the business of force-feeding people tripe," Sir Norman said, adding "Even if we wanted to - and I would like to stress that we currently have no plans in that direction - there is plenty of UK legislation which prevents us from doing so."

Sir Norman said he hoped Mr Davies' comments would not undermine the valuable work he himself had been doing to promote tripe exports during his trip to the West Indies and nearby islands. "Perhaps Mr Davies would like to join me on my next fact-finding visit, and he can see for himself the difficulties we are up against," he said.